44
Birthdays have always been a reflective time for me. This year I was yearning for something deeper and I wanted to find my purpose in life. Let me be clear on something. Assignments are different from purpose. My assignment right now is being an amazing mother, wife and the best in my career. Purpose is what God put you here to do. Divorce happens, folks lose their jobs and assignments change. PURPOSE doesn't. My thoughts went back to our doctor visit as we were preparing to have our son. After my physical exams and testing the doctor said, "it may be a bit of a challenge Mrs. Callender, you are over 40 and over weight". All I heard was you're old and fat. LOL!! I went home and went to God in prayer. I prayed and fasted for weeks so when I finally heard his voice I was pretty excited. He simply said, "it won't be easy". I thought nothing I've ever wanted had come easy, so I took that answer and stood on his promise. Because he answered our prayers I made a vow to take amazing care of our blessing. You can't pray for something and not cherish the gift. I am not an artist. I don't paint or sing. Jax is my way of injecting love into this world.
Becoming a parent there was so much I wanted to change. I had to grow. I had to learn some new things and unlearn some old. I figured I had nine months before he got here to take a hard look at myself. That is what initially set my journey in motion. Fast forward through all the self discovery and change til now. He's two years old. I was pretty sure I had done the necessary work. Growth is painful. It's taking a hard look at yourself and not just acknowledging where you fall short but changing it. I discovered what I deemed personality flaws because of past hurt and experiences. I was an arrogant, know it all with a horrible temperament. So I changed. I worked hard at it. Now I'm in this great space.
Okay, Amanda great! You have this amazing marriage and kid.....now what? For some reason I still wasn't sleeping. I go to God like now what?! This time he didn't take long to answer. He quickly said, "Help someone else". If you have the tools to save yourself, by all means do it. Self preservation is key. However SELFLESSNESS is going back in and saving someone else. Helping someone else navigate through their "STUFF". Oftentimes it takes more than a "keep pushing" or the typical "I'm praying for you sis". I'm not saying people don't mean well, but those things didn't help me. Being in the valley can be so terrifying it may very well take someone literally coming in to pull you out. We as people, especially woman harbor so much pain. Pain of bad relationships, depression, family hurt and so much more. I just want to let you know you don't have to sit in that pain.
I am starting a podcast and ACallenderGirl Series. Having discussions. That's my purpose. To tell my story and share others. I don't get to just say how humbled and blessed I am and show off my growth without helping others. It's like having this huge amazing house, plastering pictures all over social media, but not inviting your friends over. That's not making the world a better place, that's just living in it. I wrote a previous blog post about Legacy. Long after I am gone I wanted my Legacy to be more than the things I acquired in my life or the vacations I took. I want to say I changed someone's life. I helped them through something. So here I am!! Let's talk about it.
Email suggestions or questions to: Amanda@acallendergirl.com or aycallender@gmail.com
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THIS IS 44....LET'S GO!